family fued
by Montage1313
Summary: the sand sibs have a visitor for the weekend, how does kankuro and gaara respond to shikamaru? how else.. by trying to kill him
1. family

Family Feud

**Family Feud**

_Let's Get Retarded, in here..._

And the bass keeps runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and  
runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and runnin' runnin', and...

In this context, there's no disrespect, so when I bust my ryhme, you break your necks.  
We got five minutes for us to disconnect from all intellect and like the ripple effect  
Bout' to lose her inhibition. Follow your intuition. Free your inner-soul and break away from tradition.  
Cause when we be out,the girl is wanna be down. You won't believe how we wow shout out.  
Burn till it's burned out, turn it till it's turned out, act up from north, west, east, south.

"KANKURO!, YOU BETTER TURN THAT SHIT OFF!" yelled gaara with sleep in his voice (a/n I feel like making gaara be able to sleep, deal with it) banging against the wall between him and his brother

then he heard kankuro yell back "COMMON GAARA! ITS DA PEAZ!" and then he turned it louder, LOUDER OF ALL THINGS

_Everybody (ye-a!), everybody (ye-a!), let's get into it (Yea!).  
Get stoopid (come on!).  
Get retarded (come on!), get retarded (come on!), get retarded.  
Let's get retarded (ha), let's get retarded in here.  
Let's get retarded (ha), let's get retarded in here.  
Let's get retarded (ha), let's get retarded in here.  
Let's get retarded (ha), let's get retarded in here.  
Yeah._

Lose control, of body and soul.  
Don't move too fast people, just take it slow.  
Don't get ahead, just jump into it.  
Y'all hear about it, the Peas'll do it.  
Get started, get stoopid.  
Don't worry 'bout it, people we'll walk you through it  
Step by step, like the infant new kid,  
Inch by inch with the new solution.  
Transmit hits, with no dilution.  
The feeling's irresistible and that's how we move it.

By this part gaara was pissed right off, he got up, got his gourd and dragged it into the hallway, and broke his brothers door right of the hinges

"gaara, you coulda just knocked yo…why are you taking the cork of your gou… OW GAARA STOPIT, IM SORRY! OWOWOWOWOWOWOW AGHHH LEGS DON"T BEND THAT WAY! GAARA THAT'S MY FRIGGIN HAND! I NEED IT!" kankuro screamed at the top of his lungs, then gaara used his sand, wrapped it around his brothers sound system, and yelled "sabaku kyuu!" "GAARA! THAT COST ME 600 DOLLARS!!" kankuro started yelling but was interrupted by a pounding noise coming from his sisters room

kankuro and gaara looked at each other and then, they realized what was happening, they ran downstairs where he was supposed to be sleeping, and he wasn't there, then they looked at each other, then the stairs, then each other again

they rocketed up the stairs and up to there sisters room, they started trying to knock it off the hinges but, remembered that she put heavy dutie hinges on it because of gaaras "adventures" in cooking, they needed a different route

BANG

BANG

BANG

CRASH!

"OW GAARA, WHY'D YOU USE ME AS A BATTERING RAM!" kankuro cried, rubbing his head softly

"SHIKAMARU! GET YOUR DIRTY HANDS OFF OF OUT INNOCENT AND PURE SISTER!!" gaara yelled with kankuro joining in at the end with and enthusiastic "YA!" and pointing menacingly at shikamaru who was…. Sitting next to there sister holding an xbox 360 controller

"what are you guys doing in my room?" temari asked them with an eyebrow raised

"we though you were… because of the…. And then we… blah" kankuro said then turned and left back to his room

"what was the banging we heard then?" gaara asked not taking his eyes off of a horrified chuunin from konoha

"oh, I kicked his ass in halo 2, and he slammed his head against the wall" she said pointing to a big bump on shikamarus forehead "wanna play winner?" she asked trying to break the tension in the room

"….on one condition…" gaara stated

"and whats that?" temari asked, scared of the answer

"….I get the red controller" gaara told them and sat down

**moral of the story… don't think your sister is a whore XDXD**

**please review and rate if you have time**


	2. threats and some ass whoopings

Threats and Ass whooping

Threats and Ass whooping

BAM

Shikamaru jumped at the sound of kankuro slamming his hand down on the table in front of him, gaara stood behind shikamaru "if you touch our sister, we'll make sure you never EVER have kids with anyone" kankuro said holding up a pair of scissors for emphasis

"ummm, I didn't touch your sister" shikamaru said looking around to see if temari was around to bail him out of this situation

"shes not going to save you" gaara told him in a matter-of-fact tone "ya, we sent her to konoha for a day at the spa" kankuro laughed and for some reason shikamaru started laughing with him

SLAP

"you don't get to laugh!" gaara told him and kankuro slapped him

"o..k, well if temari finds out that you guys are doing this, I don't think she'll like it much" shikamaru told them, rubbing the side of his face that felt the force of kankuros backhand

"that's why, we don't plan on her finding out, last night was a wake up call, of what could happen and you can count on us not letting it happen" gaara told him, grabbing a roll of duct tape of the table, and kankuro went to the garage and got a pipe, and a cable, and came back

shikamaru just looked at them with wide eyes, he started to open his mouth to say some and took off running upstairs "AFTER HIM!" gaara yelled and ran up the stairs, kankuro started running and tripped over the chair shikamaru had knocked over, then got up and went upstairs

SLAM!

BANGBANGBANG

"GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW NARA!" gaara yelled banging on temaris room door

"how'd you let him get in there?" kankuro asked

"shut your food disposal and lie down" gaara told him pointing to the ground

"….ok….what a sec..GAARA NO NOT AGAIN LAST TIME REALLY FUCKING HURT!" kankuro yelled as gaaras sand picked him up and started moving towards the door

BANG

"OW"

BANG

"SON OF A BITCH!"

BANG

"OW MY HEAD!"

CRASH

"OW"

THUD

"oh, that felt nice, just drop me on the floor" kankuro said to his brother

"shut-up or next time its out the window" gaara told him pointing to the window

to bad, they were so into arguing they didn't see shikamaru walk out of the room and into a different room

"you always abuse me, next time why don't you use your sand?!" kankuro yelled at his brother

"no, I don't want to get my sand dirty" gaara said looking around the room

"hey, weres nara?"kankuro asked as his hands were around gaaras neck and vice-versa

"good question" gaara said and yelled in kankuros ear "THERE HE IS" and ran out of the room and into kankuros room

"nara your only making it harder on yourself!" gaara yelled

1 HOUR LATER

"mphh,mmm, mphhh!" were shikamarus garbled words as he was tied to a chair and gagged by duct tape

"see? At first me and gaara were only planning on tying you up and not gagging you, but since you made us run after you, your going to pay" kankuro chuckled as he pulled out two pairs of earplugs and handed a pair to gaara who smiled evilly and put them in

"ok, there in kankuro, start the physiological warfare" gaara said to his brother who laughed and put a cd in gaaras sound system and pressed play

then, the most annoying song in the world started playing

_Alo, Salut, sunt eu, un haiduc,  
Si te rog, iubirea mea, primeste fericirea.  
Alo, alo, sunt eu Picasso,  
Ti-am dat beep, si sunt voinic,  
Dar sa stii nu-ti cer nimic._

Shikamarus eyes widened in horror and his eyes pleaded with them to stop this horrible song

_Vrei sa pleci dar nu ma, nu ma iei,  
Nu ma, nu ma iei, nu ma, nu ma, nu ma iei.  
Chipul tau si dragostea din tei,  
Mi-amintesc de ochii tai._

Gaara and kankuro looked at each other and laughed a little and then looked at shikamaru and then kankuro gave him the finger and they walked out of the room, and to shikamarus surprise, they gave each other high fives and laughed, patting each other on the back

He had to figure a way out of this, or it would drive him crazy, then he heard a door slam and footsteps up the stairs, just then temari opened the door and her eyes widened with shock, there was her boyfriend, taped to a chair, wearing her bra over his mesh shirt, with eyeliner on him, and spray paint on his back that said "kankuro waz hear" with really bad spelling

"kankuro, gaara, can you come over here for a minute?" she asked in a really sweet and shocking tone, and moved to grab her fan as she heard to sets of feet coming up the stairs

**is it worth another chapter? Tell me what you think of it, depending on how many reviews I get, I will make a new chapter**


	3. revenge of shikamaru

**Revenge of shikamaru**

_Last time_

"_kankuro, gaara, can you come over here for a minute?" she asked in a really sweet and shocking tone, and moved to grab her fan as she heard to sets of feet coming up the stairs_

**Now.**

Gaara and kankuro made they're way quietly upstairs, checking the stairs for trip wires or flying weapons or even a boulder to come crashing done the stairs

"Temari?" kankuro looked around the corner, by this time he had karasu and kuroari by his sides just encase temari decided to jump out and attack him

gaara was keeping his distance from kankuro, encase temari jumped out of no-where he would be safe, and kankuro would get the beating that was sure to be delivered

"AGH" kankuro yelled as temari hit him over the head with her fan

"what do you think your doing? Trying to kill my boyfriend!" temari angrily yelled in kankuros ear as she beat him over the head

gaara went into his absolute defence when she tried to hit him

"GAARA! GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW" she screamed, trying to break the sand dome

"NO!, your going to hit me" gaara said (**a/n. you can almost her the fear in his voice eh?)**

temari thought for a minute "no, I want to give you cookies!" she lied through her teeth

"oh really?!" he yelled and ran out of the sand dome, only to be hit over the head with a nearby lamp

"MOTHER OF BAKI!" gaara screamed grabbing his head

"now come on! Its time for supper" temari told her brothers and walked downstairs with shikamaru walking and laughing behind her

"gaara?"

"ya, kankuro?"

"next time i want to screw with our sisters boyfriend, slap me"

**at the table**

gaara sat at the table, nibbling a chocolate chip cookie that he stole from the cookie jar

kankuro sat trying to fix karasu from his sisters wrath earlier

shikamaru was sitting very close to temari, keeping an eye on the animals that are gaara and kankuro

every so often kankuro would move a finger, barely noticeable, and one of karasus blades would pop out and fly towards shikamaru, which earned him a smack from temari, a glare from shikamaru, and a slap from gaara for trying to mess with they're sisters boyfriend

after supper they were all going to watch t.v, temari said she had to go take a nap in her room, and that they should just get along

"so, shikamaru, how long to you plan to what before deflowering our virgin sister?" asked kankuro with his puppets in close proximity to shikamaru

"kankuro... how do you know he hasn't already?" gaara said as the cork to his gourd slowly lifted and feel off to the side

"ya kankuro? Maybe I already have" shikamaru said and got up and started running as kuroari tried to catch him with the help of gaaras sand

"get him" gaara said calmly starting to get lifted off the ground from his sand and move out of the living room with kankuro on his heels

down the hall way they fail to notice which room he went into

it wouldn't be hard to find out which room he went into, they're was just his, kankuros, temaris rooms and a closet beside temaris room

just as they were deciding which room to go into shikamaru was hiding under kankuros bed

"wow, kankuro has lots of stuff under here" shikamaru thought to himself picking up a magazine that read "hustler" on the top

he threw it back behind him, and picked up a small book, when he opened it, he was shocked at what he found…

**back with gaara and kankuro**

"lets check the closet first" gaara told him and opened up the closet door

POP

A big blotch of green was splattered across his sand and there stood shikamaru with a can of paint

Kankuro went to stab it with a kunai but it disappeared in a puff of smoke

"damnit! Clone jutsu!" gaara yelled

kankuro opened up gaaras room and got plastered by a blue paint can and the clone vanished

"this guys smart, ill give him that" kankuro said trying to wipe off the paint

"ill try temaris room" gaara said to kankuro and slowly opened the door

and there slept temari, peacefully snoring

REVENGE TIME kankuro thought to himself and grabbed his magic marker, and drew tic-tack-toe marks on her face and wrote "IM A DYKE" across her forehead

"last room in the hall" kankuro said pushing open his bedroom door, and there sat shikamaru in KANKUROS big recliner, petting HIS chicken, mr.buckbuckock

"I've been expecting you… Mr.sabaku" shikamaru said gentle stroking the chicken

kankuro made a move to punch him but stopped dead in his tracks as shikamaru held up a a fuzzy pink book and shook it

"where'd you find that" kankuro asked pale as orochimaru

"under your bed"

"just give me the book, and I wouldn't kill you" kankuro said holding out his hands

"no" shikamaru said flatly "hey gaara, do you know whats in this book?" shikamaru asked

"no" gaara said looking at kankuro

"would you like to know?"

"yes"

"shikamaru threw the book to gaara"

gaara opened it and his eyes widened

"now, if you guys don't want temari to find out about that, you will leave me alone for the rest of my stay" shikamaru grinned evily

"I thought temari lost her diary!" gaara said looking at his brother

"if she finds our she'll kill me!" kankuro screamed

"fine nara, you've got a deal" he screamed

**LATER**

Gaara and kankuro tried to kill shikamaru about 30 minutes after the agreement

Temari found out about kankuro stealing her diary and now he has to scrub the toilets of the mansion

Theres 30 batrooms in the mansion

Gaara got off scott-free

Shikamaru finally beat temari at halo 2

THE END


End file.
